Bereft
by Olexia Engel
Summary: "Bereavement manifests in many different forms." Bella and Jasper get-together fic set eleven years after Breaking Dawn. Bittersweet.


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**BEREFT, by Olexia Engel**

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**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I do not own Twilight.

**Reviews:** Yes, please!

**Pairing:** Jasper/Bella

**Notes:** Angst, romance, character death

**Summary:** Oneshot. "Bereavement manifests in many different forms, Bella."

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_"He's gone."_

The words fall bitterly from her trembling lips.

_"He's gone… forever."_

She rocks back and forth in her cluttered bedroom. The room is lit by a solitary candle that sits beside her on the floor. She wraps her arms around herself; the hole in her chest has returned, and this time it is permanent. A cry rips from her throat. It echoes through the empty cottage.

She blinks furiously and a strange wetness collects at the corners of her eyes. She blinks again and it trickles down her marble cheeks.

Her sob catches in her throat._ Impossible! Vampires cannot cry._

She swipes a droplet and holds it up to the candlelight. The substance is red and carries a heady scent. She grimaces.

She is crying tears of _blood_.

The walls are suddenly closing in on her. She has to get out.

She blows out the candle and staggers to her feet.

_My beautiful home has become a crypt._

She races to the front door, knocking everything down in her frenzied path.

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"Come hunting with us, Bella," Emmett pleads, seizing her limp wrist. "You need to build up your strength. You're so… _frail_."

She snatches back her arm. "Just leave me alone," she growls.

Rosalie kneels beside her. She reaches out and gently strokes her hair. "Please, Bella. It's been two months now. You can barely stand. Edward wouldn't have wanted this."

She flinches at the mention of _his_ name. "I'm not hungry," she snaps, though she knows her black eyes, and the dark shadows that frame them, painfully contradict this.

Rosalie sighs and shakes her pretty head. "You're a fool unto yourself." Her words are harsh, but there is no spite in her voice, only pity. She stands up and tugs Emmett towards the door. "Let's go. She's as stubborn as a mule."

They leave quietly, and loneliness sweeps over her once more. She clutches a cushion to her chest. They are right. She does thirst for blood. Desperately.

But what they do not realise is that mere blood is not enough to satiate her hunger; that what she craves, misses, _needs_ the most… is intimacy.

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"Bella!" Jacob stands on the wooden porch, frozen in shock.

"Hey, Jake," she greets him shakily. "I needed to see you."

His face breaks into a happy grin. "Well, come on in!" he laughs, grabbing her hand and pulling her into his house. "It's been forever!"

She smiles as he drags her down the hall and into his cosy living room.

He whirls around and studies her gaunt face. Suddenly, there is pain in his eyes. "I'm so sorry about your… loss," he says, finally. He pulls her into a tight hug.

She closes her eyes and rests her head upon his broad shoulder. He stinks like a dog, but she doesn't care.

"I didn't exactly… get along with Edward, but… he meant a lot to you and he didn't deserve to die. Well, not die," he coughs nervously. "I mean, he was already dead, but you know…" He struggles for the right word. "Perish."

She fights back a sob. "He was my everything."

"I know, Bells. I know." He pets her hair.

His warmth wraps around her like a blanket. She feels content in his muscular arms. "I've missed this," she whispers, tightening her arms around his waist.

He sighs. "Yeah, me too."

She swallows hard and then leans up for a tentative kiss.

Jacob pushes her away, startled. "What are you doing?" he demands.

She begins to unbutton her blouse, unfazed. "Giving myself to you. Isn't that what you've always wanted?"

"W-What? N-No!" he splutters, stepping backwards. "I have Nessie now – you know that. Besides, I'd never take advantage of you!"

She can hear his heart hammering wildly in his chest. It brings a smug smile to her sallow face. "But you wouldn't be taking advantage of me," she insists, stepping forwards. "You'd be… helping me."

"How do you work that one out?"

"You'd help me to… forget." She crosses the short space between them and tugs on his belt suggestively. "Help me _feel alive_."

He bats away her wandering hand, angry. "Stop this, Bella. This isn't right."

She presses a cold finger against his lips and flutters her eyelashes seductively. "Shhh. It would be like old times. Just you and me. Those long afternoons spent in your shed fixing up our rusty motorbikes. Our carefree strolls along the beach. You wanted me then, Jacob. Don't you remember?"

"That was over eleven years ago, Bella! So much has changed since then!"

She smiles and shakes her head. "You don't fool me, Jacob. I can see it in your eyes. You want me. You need me. You've never stopped loving me."

He growls in frustration. "Get a hold of yourself! Nessie will be back any minute! What would she say if she saw you behaving like this?"

"I would say she was _disgusting_. Truly _despicable_," Renesmee announces coldly, gliding into the living room.

Bella rounds on her beautiful daughter. "This has nothing to do with you!" she snarls, baring her teeth. "This is between me and Jacob!"

Renesmee laughs and shakes her head incredulously. "There is nothing between you and my husband. He only has eyes for me."

It is Bella's turn to laugh. "Silly child," she sneers. "Jacob was mine long before _you_ came along. He settled for you because I chose E-Ed…" She takes a steadying breath. "Because I chose Edward."

Jacob is furious. "That's not true!" he bellows, his hands balling into fists. "I fell in love with Nessie the first moment I saw her!" He marches forwards and grasps his wife's hand. "She is my soul mate, my one prized companion. I live only for her!"

Bella scowls. "Poor Jacob. You're deluded. Blinded by a pathetic wolfy bond. It's… sad."

Jacob shakes with rage. "It's more than that, Bella. She is my _world_. Yes, I did have feelings for you – a crush, perhaps even a borderline obsession. But my fantasies melted away as soon as I saw Nessie. She is all I could ever want, ever _need_."

"I need you!" Bella cries, flinging her arms around his neck. "I need you to want me, to hold me. To take away my pain."

Jacob yanks her arms away roughly. "You're a wreck, Bella. You need help."

Her arms fall feebly to her sides. She takes a deep, rasping breath before turning to Renesmee. "It's all your fault!" she screams. "You stole him from me, you little wretch!"

Renesmee's eyes narrow in contempt. "He committed to me willingly. My father's gone, and I'm eternally sorry for you. But that doesn't permit you to claim my husband as some form of _compensation_. He doesn't want you. Not when he has _me_."

"Oh, please! He could never look at you the way he _looked_ at me," Bella spits. "The desire, the _longing_ in his eyes…" She laughs vindictively. "You'll _never_ experience that."

Renesmee smiles cryptically before seizing her mother's flailing hands. There is silence between them as Bella stares bitterly into her daughter's large brown eyes. Then, suddenly, vivid images bombard Bella's mind. She gasps at their ferocity.

_A devilish smile, tousled black hair, red wine, flickering candles, chocolates, ripped clothing, a bed, nails raking across a strong russet chest, tangled sheets, rippling muscles, roaming hands, rose petals, parted lips, feral black eyes blazing with love and passion…_

It becomes too much, and Bella breaks the telepathic connection, staggering backwards.

"He only has eyes for me," Renesmee repeats, a satisfied smile curling her full lips.

Bella closes her eyes, devastated. The hole in her chest has grown impossibly bigger – it threatens to rip her apart. Her whole body is shaking. She opens her eyes and glowers at her daughter. Now, Renesmee's gloating, perfect features are too much to bear. They remind her of Edward. It isn't right. It isn't fair. She lunges forward. She has to claw away her beauty.

"What are you doing?" Jacob yells, horrified, pinning her arms back – restraining her. "She's your _daughter_!"

"She's no mother to me!" Renesmee shrieks, backing up against the wall, tears streaming down her angelic face. "Get her out! I want nothing more to do with her! Ever!"

"Come on, Bella," Jacob growls, manhandling her out of the room.

"Please!" Bella cries. She struggles furiously, but the lack of blood has made her weak. She is no match to him. "I'm sorry! Let me stay!" she howls. "I need you, Jake!"

Jacob ignores her and pushes her down the hall and out of the house. She stumbles down the porch steps and lands in a heap on the muddy ground.

"Never show your face here again!" he roars.

"N-No!" Bella sobs, shaking her head. Blood is pooling around her eyes again.

There is no compassion in his stony face. "Just stay away," he hisses, stepping back into the house and slamming the door shut.

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"So, this is where you've been hiding?"

Bella opens her eyes slowly to find Jasper emerging from the dense thicket. She groans lightly and closes her eyes again.

He moves to sit beside her on the damp grass. "We've all been very worried, you know. Esme's beside herself."

"I'm sorry," she whispers.

"Come back to the house."

She releases a long sigh. "No."

"Please. You're sorely missed."

"I need to be on my own."

"You need company," he argues softly, twirling a blade of grass between his white fingertips. "Look at me."

She opens her eyes reluctantly and gazes up at him.

He frowns. "Your eyes are almost black. You haven't fed, have you?" It is a statement; it doesn't require an answer.

"What does it matter?" she demands, sitting up.

He grasps her hand gently. "You matter. You're wasting away."

She snorts. "I'm immortal, remember? I can't _waste away_."

"Fine, then. But you _are_ getting weaker. Carry on like this and you'll be so fragile that there will be no point in existing."

She snatches her hand back. "There _is_ no point in existing. Not without _him_."

Silence descends, and it is deafening.

The hole in her chest is expanding slowly. She closes her eyes in response. She begins to wrap her arms around herself, when she is suddenly struck by a flurry of jaunty vibes. Her misery starts to evaporate. Her eyes snap open in disgust. "Don't you dare!" she cries, her voice echoing shrilly amongst the tall trees. "Don't you dare tamper with my mood!"

Jasper blinks, and the upbeat vibes immediately cease. He looks down at the ground, his face awash with guilt. "I thought it would help," he mumbles.

She shakes her head. "The pain is all I have left," she whispers. "Please don't take that a-away from me."

"I won't," he promises quickly. "I'm sorry, and I won't." He rubs her arm comfortingly.

Her face softens. "Thank you."

"What's so special about this place?" He gestures around him. He is eager to keep the conversation going.

She laughs brokenly. "This was our meadow, our _special place_." She looks about her bitterly. "Though the air has become stagnant, and there are more weeds than flowers."

He grasps her chin gently and turns her head to face him. "It's still a beautiful place," he assures her, his topaz eyes bright with conviction.

She smiles sadly and pushes his hand away. "I should have had the whole of eternity with him," she says sullenly, running her fingers through the glistening blades of grass. "Now I know how Victoria felt."

He frowns. He doesn't know how to respond.

She sighs and glances up at the darkening sky. "I wish I could sleep," she mutters. "To dream, to escape."

He nods his head in agreement, in understanding. "So do I."

"I want to see Alice."

This sudden announcement catches him off guard. He immediately grows tense. "You can't see her at the moment. I told you that."

"But why?" she complains, shifting positions to face him better. "Is she still in Romania?"

"I think so…" he replies evasively.

"Then I'll go and pay her a visit." She moves to stand up.

He seizes her wrist quickly, anger flashing in his golden eyes. "She doesn't want any visitors. She's still grieving."

She growls in frustration. "That's so… _selfish_ of her," she spits, sitting back down on the grass.

"Don't call her that," he says in a low voice.

"What am I supposed to think?" she demands hotly. "She refuses to see us – refuses to _speak_ to us for months! We're all _grieving_, Jasper. Me more than anyone!"

"She feels _guilty_, Bella. Edward died trying to save her."

She nods and closes her eyes tightly. "He was such a h-hero." The last word catches in her parched throat.

"Yes, he was," Jasper agrees quickly. He strokes her sunken cheek tenderly. "Give her more time, Bella, and she'll come round. You have to understand that they were very close."

"I know they were. I just… miss her. I'm sure you do, too."

A shadow passes over his face. "More than you could ever comprehend."

"Then why don't you go and see her?"

"I know that I must respect her wishes." He looks at her pointedly. "And I know the virtue of patience."

She is being chastised like a small, insensitive child. She would be blushing fiercely now if she were still human. "Fine," she relents. "I'll leave her be."

"Thank you." He smiles gratefully and places a chaste kiss on her forehead. "Come home now."

She laughs coldly. "Don't push your luck."

"Please?"

She glances up at him, and is startled by his pleading expression. His beseeching eyes shatter her resolve. "Okay," she concedes and allows him to pull her to her feet.

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Bella waits patiently as Mike sweeps the entrance to his store. His delicious scent floats over to her on the light evening breeze. She can taste the venom pooling in her mouth. It won't be long before he closes up the shop and walks across the empty car park to his car. She smiles in sweet anticipation. She is ready to pounce.

"What? First Jacob and now Mike Newton? Your standards are slipping."

She whirls around irritably. "Just go away!" she hisses.

Jasper's face is solemn. He shakes his head. "Don't be so foolish, Bella."

She turns back round to study her prey. "Overweight, balding, thirty-years-old and still single," she whispers. "I'd be doing him a favour."

"By turning him into a monster?" He tuts. "You'd go against our family's values."

"I'm sure Carlisle will allow this one exception."

"You'd violate the treaty."

"Screw the treaty!"

Her response is louder than intended, and Mike snaps his head up and stares at the trees suspiciously. A few seconds pass, and he shrugs his shoulders and continues with his sweeping.

"Come home now," Jasper demands quietly, tugging on her arm. "I _implore_ you."

Bella shakes her head. The venom is burning painfully in her throat. "I can't. Not without him."

"You don't need him."

"Yes, I do."

"Why?"

"He was always so kind to me at school. Always looked at me with such tenderness, such longing. He'd be totally _devoted_ to me." She laughs coldly. "Like a puppy."

They watch in silence as Mike carries the old broom back into the store, switches the lights off and returns with a set of keys.

"This is wrong, Bella," Jasper whispers urgently, tugging her arm again. "Walk away. Right now."

"Get off me!" she hisses. "I've made up my mind. I _want_ him."

He locks eyes with hers. "No, you don't. You're going to claim him just to ease your pain. You don't really love him, don't really care about him. And that… isn't fair."

Her face contorts with rage. "Nothing in this world is fair!"

Mike has bolted the double doors and is now heading leisurely to his car. It is the opportunity she has been waiting for all week.

"Don't be selfish, Bella! Leave him be!" He grasps her shoulders desperately.

"I can't help it!" she sobs, shrugging off his hands and whirling around. "I need c-contact! There is no one else!"

"There's me!" Jasper yanks her close and kisses her fervently.

She breaks away, horrified. "What are you doing?" she cries. "What about Alice?"

He smiles sadly. "Alice is in Wonderland," he whispers, brushing the hair out of her face. "Or, at least… I _hope_ she is."

She stares at him in bemusement. She barely registers the car driving past.

"I guess that was a poor euphemism. Sorry."

She shakes her head in confusion. "I haven't the patience for riddles."

He sighs and averts his eyes to the ground. "Alice is _dead_, Bella."

"What?" she gasps. "No!"

He looks at her, his eyes brimming with sadness. "It's true. She's… dead."

"B-But how? When?"

"She died just before Edward." His lips are trembling.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I-I couldn't," he says heavily, his shoulders slumping. "Losing Edward was terrible enough. I didn't want to push you over the edge."

She begins to pace backwards and forwards. "What about Esme? What about Rosalie? What will they say when they find out?"

"They… already know."

She stops dead in her tracks and stares at him, incredulous. "And not one of you had the decency to tell me?"

"We didn't have the heart," he answers quickly.

"I don't believe this! Poor Alice!" She throws her arms up in the air. "When were you going to tell me?"

He grimaces. "I… don't know." His voice is thick with emotion. "The longer I put it off, the harder it was to tell you. I'm… sorry."

He steps forward, but she pushes him away.

"Just leave me alone!" she shrieks. She sets off on a desperate run through the forest.

He has the sense not to follow.

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Bella knocks on the bedroom door quietly.

"Come in," Jasper says softly.

She turns the knob and steps into his bedroom hesitantly. She looks around her in surprise. The gothic grandeur is quite overwhelming; candles flicker in every crevice, and renaissance paintings and elaborate tapestries cover every wall. She shakes her head. There is so much she doesn't know about him.

"Is there something you want?" His tone is deliberately light, casual.

She coughs and turns to face him. "That depends." She shuffles her feet.

"On what?" He sets his book beside him on the couch and crosses his long legs.

"On what you want," she says simply. "Whether you still… want."

He frowns. "Now you're the one who's talking in riddles."

She takes a steadying breath, then approaches him slowly. "Stand up," she orders quietly.

He smiles and obliges, folding his arms across his chest.

"Kiss me," she whispers. She closes her eyes quickly.

For a long moment, there is nothing, and she worries he will turn her down; send her away; call her crazy, but then his lips carefully meet hers. She groans softly and twists her fingers into his honey-blond hair, pulling him closer.

He growls and wraps his arms around her, plundering her mouth hungrily.

She breaks the kiss and gazes up at him with half-lidded eyes. "My heart will always belong to Edward," she warns.

He swallows. "Likewise. My heart will always belong to Alice."

She nods once. "Good." She grins and runs a hand teasingly over the buttons of his shirt. "Now where were we?"

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"It's getting late," Jasper announces, gripping her hand tightly. "We should be heading back."

Bella sighs heavily. "I prefer it out here. Just you and me. The trees. The lake. No cutting remarks. No filthy glares."

"Rosalie and Emmett will accept our relationship. Eventually."

She snorts. "I doubt it. They just… don't understand."

"They think our unification is a betrayal to Edward and Alice, to their memories."

"But it's not like that at all!" She kicks the ground angrily.

"I know," he says soothingly, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it gently.

"It's a shame we can't just… get away. Even for just a small while."

Jasper's eyebrows pull together. He seems… conflicted.

"What is it?"

"Esme was saying the same thing yesterday…"

She bites her lip. "Go on."

"Well, she hates all the… animosity between us. She thinks it would be best for us to get away for a while, too. To clear the air, relieve the tension."

"And where does she suggest we go?"

There is a pregnant pause. Jasper glances up at her and she raises her eyebrows expectantly.

"Isle Esme."

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The sun beats down from the cloudless sky, and glints iridescently off their marble skin. They stroll hand in hand across the golden sand, allowing the warm waves to gently lap their bare feet.

Bella smiles and rests her head on Jasper's shoulder. "This is pure paradise."

He nods and squeezes her hand affectionately. "It sure is."

"Hey!" she exclaims, rushing forwards. "I've found another one!" She bends down and grabs an unusual nautilus shell that is partially buried in the sand. "I've got enough to finish that necklace now!" She waves the shell excitedly in his face.

He laughs, his topaz eyes sparkling in the Brazilian sun. "That's really great."

"The necklace is going to be absolutely beautiful," she gushes. "I'm going to post it to Esme tomorrow morning, after we've hunted. She'll be so pleased!"

He smiles tenderly and grasps her chin. "_You_ are beautiful."

She grins and leans up for a kiss.

He kisses her passionately before scooping her into his arms and hurrying back to Esme and Carlisle's holiday home. They burst through the glass doors and head straight for the master bedroom. Lips locked, arms and legs amorously entwined, they collapse on the four-poster bed in a flurry, the mattress dipping under their combined weight.

After a few frenzied moments, Bella wriggles free and pouts. "You broke my shell," she mumbles, holding the fragmented pieces to his face.

"I'm sorry," he laughs, taking the ruined shell from her palm and placing it carefully on the bedside table. "I'll find you another one."

"You better."

He smiles and leans down for another kiss. "I promise."

She turns her head to the side. "This brings back so many memories," she whispers, gesturing to the plush pillows, the elegant white canopy. "This is where I conceived Renesmee."

Jasper is silent; he's not sure what to say.

"I really should apologise to her," she continues. "I was _wicked_."

"Bereavement manifests in many different forms, Bella. You said and did all those things in a time of great sadness, of anger, of need."

"I was completely insane," she laughs, though there is no mirth in her eyes.

"And I'm here… as long as you want me to fulfil that need."

She smiles and slides back into his calming embrace. "Thank you."

They kiss ardently, and their union feels so tender, so comfortable, so _right_. Though they know, deep down, that they are only filling a void; are mere slaves to their passions. That they are simply too vulnerable, too flawed, too _fragile_ to resist.

After all, she will never be Alice.

And he will _never_ be Edward.

**Owari**

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**A/N:** Thank you very much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Please take the time to review; feedback is much appreciated.

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